before, during and after
More than you ever wated to know about the wee morning hours of May 25, 2013
she came. and she came in a dreamy way.
Third time's a charm! To be completely honest, I've had great deliveries up until this point. With Madeleine, the doctor said if I didn't want to have pain to be induced because I was already dilating , so I was. Turned out it was virtually pain-free although there was the anxiety about trying to comprehend and internalize what is happening to your body and your life all at the same time. Kind of remember myself as a deer in the headlights during the whole thing.
I had a typical recovery for my first and went on my merry way. When it was just about time with Henry I was so nervous because in a way I had no idea what to expect. Are you having contractions? Um, not sure, don't know what those feel like.
With Henry, I learned quickly what contractions felt like. Although it was a fast labor, it was quite the opposite. I was also induced, so part of me thought it was going to be the same as Madeleine's. I knew it couldn't be that good. Labor progressed much quicker than anyone anticipated - including the anesthesiologist. Those drugs kicked in right about the time Henry came out. One half push and that was that. I had a great and quick recovery with Henry.
On to Amelia. I've already talked about my doctor, but I had a fantastic doctor this time around who listened and collaborated with me to sort out concerns, histories and expectations. This pregnancy I had all sorts of issues I didn't have prior - pre-term contractions, gall bladder pain, protein in urine, measuring small, EIF (down syndrome marker on hear picked up during ultrasounds), strep B positive just to name a few. Fortunately, all were thoroughly checked out and nothing ever went further than a mild concern but it felt like this pregnancy was so different than the others. I had more non-stress tests during this pregnancy than I had ultrasounds with my others - combined!
Because this was so different, I just knew that the delivery was going to be entirely different as well. They say the best indicator is history, but I couldn't get my hopes up. I probably would have been dreading labor had it not been for the suspense of finding out the gender. What an unanticipated timely blessing. I, along with Spencer and the kids, was so excited to find out the gender that I wasn't even thinking about the delivery portion. I just wanted to know!
With all the issues (that all turned out to be non-issues) and knowing that my body responded well to Pitocin, my doctor agreed to induce me at 39 weeks. This worked out perfectly because my due date was Spencer's graduation. Family was coming into town a couple days before graduation, packers and movers were coming a week after so really the earlier the better. Again, an unanticipated blessing to have a doctor who would work with me as well as a body that dilates early :) I suppose there was a silver-lining to all those little issues.
Unfortunately my doctor would be on vacation (Memorial Day weekend), but I was scheduled to be induced on Friday May 24th at 8am with a colleague of his who would be on call. I was sad he wouldn't be delivering me, but I was so anxious to meet the baby and feeling like earlier was better so I went ahead with it. A few days before I was dilated to a 2 - which is exactly where I was with both Madeleine and Henry so I was feeling optimistic about the induction.
With babysitters all set to go and schedules set, I called the hospital the morning of only to find out they were out of rooms. Seriously? This had happened with Madeleine, so I wasn't completely surprised but Madeleine was born at a small community hospital - not a massive downtown hospital. I was supposed to go in at 8am and finally got the green light to come in at 6pm. Kind of a downer day as you could imagine. They told me I could wait until the next morning, but it would be the same thing - I'd have to call first. No chance, we got ready and left about 5 minutes later.
We stopped to get dinner on our way to the hospital in the pouring rain. Panaera never tasted so good. We ran back to the car, drove to the hospital, checked in and ate dinner in the waiting room as we waited to be called back. It was 6pm.
They brought me back to the triage room where they do all their questions, paperwork, ultrasounds, monitoring and such to make sure you're actually in labor. I had been in this room before, this lovely room with 8 beds, when I was hospitalized to monitor pre-term contractions. Fortunately, this evening we were the only ones there. We got out the ipad, watched shows, chatted and really just were wondering when things would get moving. I about asked for the Pitocin at one point.
Finally, we were moved to a room and I was hooked up to an IV. More questions, more people, shift change, more monitoring. Beth Israel Deaconess Medical Center is a teaching hospital associated with Harvard so all sorts of people were coming in talking to me. And they wanted to know everything - histories, my kids names blah blah blah. I just wanted to move along the process!
Around 9:30 they hooked up the Pitocin. Whew! The Pitocin starts at a level 2, was then moved up to a 4 (I believe you can go as high as 20) but after 20 minutes on the Pitocin I was having close regular contractions. Not too painful - just enough to know that things are moving along but still relatively comfortable.
I knew they would get worse, duh, so I asked about an epidural. I had already met the anesthesiologist on call - part of the interviewing and question portion, so I was ready to go. I agreed to wait about 15 more minutes and then to have one. It was my experience in the past that I requested an epidural and they either said yes or not yet. In this case, it was a "okay, you feel that you're ready now?" sort of thing. Completely caught me off guard to have even a small say in calling the shots.
Anesthesiologist came, Spencer left (hospital policy - it was the same with Henry) and the blessed drugs started working. Not blessed because I was in a terrible amount of pain, but blessed because I knew the pain was coming...but now I was ready for it unlike my experience with Henry. The epidural hurt like crazy, but was totally worth it. I can't remember what they called it, but it was a decreased dosage epidural - about 40% of the normal potency. Apparently they've found better results with pushing, recovery and progression with these types of epidurals and in the city of Boston, it's about a 50/50 split among those who use it. In hindsight, I'm pretty sure I had this type with Henry as I never had a catheter and was always able to fully control and move my legs. Madeleine I had the - knock you out from the waist down version.
With the epidural in place, I asked about breaking my water. Once again I was met with the, "oh, you're ready for your water to be broken? that's something that you want now?" response. Um, yes! Once again, let's go!
It was 1am, they came in and broke my water and it was at this point that they first checked me to see how dilated I was. I thought this was strange that they would wait this long, but oh well. I was a 4. Kind of disappointed I wasn't farther along but happy I wasn't a 2 still!
I remembered with Henry, that after my water broke things went really fast - faster than anyone anticipated. I mentioned this to the nurse and she said okay, we've probably still got a few more hours but just let me know if you feel pressure. At this point I started to feel my contractions again, worse than even before the epidural. They gave me a bolus, and I kind of felt like a wimp asking for another shot of numbing medication. About 15 minutes later came the pressure. The nurse was sure it was too soon, but no. I was an 8. 1:30am. Turns out they think the initial epidural couldn't keep up with the pace of progression.
The entire process thus far had been so calm. Besides a few tense moments with the administration of the epidural, I was feeling great and really just conversational with the nurse about things. My requests for an epidural and breaking my water were as calm and conversational as me ordering from a menu or something. Can I have this please? Oh sure, fries with that? Nope, just a baby.
Things had died down from the craziness earlier that day and everything was quiet. Lights were dimmed or off and it seemed as though the maternity ward was taking a few deep breaths recovering from earlier that day. It made me feel like I was the only one there and had the place to myself.
Around 1:55am I started to feel more pressure. I let the nurse know, she checked and sure enough I was a 10. The epidural was working great at this point so things were still even keel. She calmly called the doctor, "okay, she's all set in here for you" and two minutes later a little woman, maybe of Indian decent, came in zipping up a sweatshirt. She had clearly been sleeping. The nurse in her ever-so-calm-voice said, "oh I think you'll want to take that off now, she's ready to deliver".
Two nurses come in and turn on the spotlight over the incubator station. Spotlights waiting to shine on my munchkin. Lights are mostly off except for a spotlight on me and a spotlight on the place for the baby. No one was yelling, screaming, running around, frantic or even tense. Just a matter of fact feeling, like they were about to put a band aid on a small scrape or something.
The doctor told me it was time to push. 2:00am. I started to push and she softly said, "okay that's enough". So I stopped, and just laid there, feeling pressure but feeling more anxious about what was to come.
Then voila, at 2:02am, I heard her scream. They held her up - skinny long limbs sticking straight out of that little body - and the nurse said, "looks like you've got a girl!"
A few cries, a fresh blanket and they put her on me. She was wide awake just looking around taking it all in, probably wondering what happened. We bonded over that, I wondered the same thing, did I really just have a baby??
In my mind, this was going to be the emotional delivery. Now that I knew what to expect, I thought for sure I was going to cry when the baby was born. I also thought I'd have sweat running down my face and a racing heart rate - trying to outpace the pain of contractions like with Henry.
None of that happened. No tears, no sweat, no stress. Serenity is the best word for it. The lighting set the stage and they actors played their role. It was an incredibly overwhelming peaceful, serene and spiritual experience. Don't get me wrong, I was having a party inside, but I couldn't break the moment. I could just smile and look into her eyes and take her in. Few words were said, we all just kind of sat there marveling at what just happened. Spencer that he was outnumbered, me that I just had a baby and the nurse and doctor that it happened so quickly.
I really felt a strong spiritual presence in the room like never before. It just happened, she came. Instead of coming with a shock like with Madeleine or a boom like with Henry, she came with serenity. It was an experience I'll never forget. Completely surreal and filled with calm, measure but deep joy.
She was Amelia Mary. Without question.
Both Spencer and I have grandmas named Mary along with a host of other Marys in both of our family lines. However, just two days before, Spencer grandma Mary Lou had passed away. It was Mary after her. We had that planned even before we knew of her deteriorating condition. Although we weren't able to see her before she passed away, family members relayed the message and she cried, joyfully, and said "my family loves me so much."
Grandma Harding passed away Thursday peacefully in her sleep. When we found out she passed away, I knew right then we were having a girl. I just knew it. The entire pregnancy I had no idea what we were having - no premonitions or anything, just guesses. But at this moment I knew.
It was only fitting that her entrance into the world was just as peaceful as Grandma Harding's exit.
More than you ever wated to know about the wee morning hours of May 25, 2013
she came. and she came in a dreamy way.
Third time's a charm! To be completely honest, I've had great deliveries up until this point. With Madeleine, the doctor said if I didn't want to have pain to be induced because I was already dilating , so I was. Turned out it was virtually pain-free although there was the anxiety about trying to comprehend and internalize what is happening to your body and your life all at the same time. Kind of remember myself as a deer in the headlights during the whole thing.
I had a typical recovery for my first and went on my merry way. When it was just about time with Henry I was so nervous because in a way I had no idea what to expect. Are you having contractions? Um, not sure, don't know what those feel like.
With Henry, I learned quickly what contractions felt like. Although it was a fast labor, it was quite the opposite. I was also induced, so part of me thought it was going to be the same as Madeleine's. I knew it couldn't be that good. Labor progressed much quicker than anyone anticipated - including the anesthesiologist. Those drugs kicked in right about the time Henry came out. One half push and that was that. I had a great and quick recovery with Henry.
On to Amelia. I've already talked about my doctor, but I had a fantastic doctor this time around who listened and collaborated with me to sort out concerns, histories and expectations. This pregnancy I had all sorts of issues I didn't have prior - pre-term contractions, gall bladder pain, protein in urine, measuring small, EIF (down syndrome marker on hear picked up during ultrasounds), strep B positive just to name a few. Fortunately, all were thoroughly checked out and nothing ever went further than a mild concern but it felt like this pregnancy was so different than the others. I had more non-stress tests during this pregnancy than I had ultrasounds with my others - combined!
Because this was so different, I just knew that the delivery was going to be entirely different as well. They say the best indicator is history, but I couldn't get my hopes up. I probably would have been dreading labor had it not been for the suspense of finding out the gender. What an unanticipated timely blessing. I, along with Spencer and the kids, was so excited to find out the gender that I wasn't even thinking about the delivery portion. I just wanted to know!
With all the issues (that all turned out to be non-issues) and knowing that my body responded well to Pitocin, my doctor agreed to induce me at 39 weeks. This worked out perfectly because my due date was Spencer's graduation. Family was coming into town a couple days before graduation, packers and movers were coming a week after so really the earlier the better. Again, an unanticipated blessing to have a doctor who would work with me as well as a body that dilates early :) I suppose there was a silver-lining to all those little issues.
Unfortunately my doctor would be on vacation (Memorial Day weekend), but I was scheduled to be induced on Friday May 24th at 8am with a colleague of his who would be on call. I was sad he wouldn't be delivering me, but I was so anxious to meet the baby and feeling like earlier was better so I went ahead with it. A few days before I was dilated to a 2 - which is exactly where I was with both Madeleine and Henry so I was feeling optimistic about the induction.
With babysitters all set to go and schedules set, I called the hospital the morning of only to find out they were out of rooms. Seriously? This had happened with Madeleine, so I wasn't completely surprised but Madeleine was born at a small community hospital - not a massive downtown hospital. I was supposed to go in at 8am and finally got the green light to come in at 6pm. Kind of a downer day as you could imagine. They told me I could wait until the next morning, but it would be the same thing - I'd have to call first. No chance, we got ready and left about 5 minutes later.
We stopped to get dinner on our way to the hospital in the pouring rain. Panaera never tasted so good. We ran back to the car, drove to the hospital, checked in and ate dinner in the waiting room as we waited to be called back. It was 6pm.
They brought me back to the triage room where they do all their questions, paperwork, ultrasounds, monitoring and such to make sure you're actually in labor. I had been in this room before, this lovely room with 8 beds, when I was hospitalized to monitor pre-term contractions. Fortunately, this evening we were the only ones there. We got out the ipad, watched shows, chatted and really just were wondering when things would get moving. I about asked for the Pitocin at one point.
Finally, we were moved to a room and I was hooked up to an IV. More questions, more people, shift change, more monitoring. Beth Israel Deaconess Medical Center is a teaching hospital associated with Harvard so all sorts of people were coming in talking to me. And they wanted to know everything - histories, my kids names blah blah blah. I just wanted to move along the process!
Around 9:30 they hooked up the Pitocin. Whew! The Pitocin starts at a level 2, was then moved up to a 4 (I believe you can go as high as 20) but after 20 minutes on the Pitocin I was having close regular contractions. Not too painful - just enough to know that things are moving along but still relatively comfortable.
I knew they would get worse, duh, so I asked about an epidural. I had already met the anesthesiologist on call - part of the interviewing and question portion, so I was ready to go. I agreed to wait about 15 more minutes and then to have one. It was my experience in the past that I requested an epidural and they either said yes or not yet. In this case, it was a "okay, you feel that you're ready now?" sort of thing. Completely caught me off guard to have even a small say in calling the shots.
Anesthesiologist came, Spencer left (hospital policy - it was the same with Henry) and the blessed drugs started working. Not blessed because I was in a terrible amount of pain, but blessed because I knew the pain was coming...but now I was ready for it unlike my experience with Henry. The epidural hurt like crazy, but was totally worth it. I can't remember what they called it, but it was a decreased dosage epidural - about 40% of the normal potency. Apparently they've found better results with pushing, recovery and progression with these types of epidurals and in the city of Boston, it's about a 50/50 split among those who use it. In hindsight, I'm pretty sure I had this type with Henry as I never had a catheter and was always able to fully control and move my legs. Madeleine I had the - knock you out from the waist down version.
With the epidural in place, I asked about breaking my water. Once again I was met with the, "oh, you're ready for your water to be broken? that's something that you want now?" response. Um, yes! Once again, let's go!
It was 1am, they came in and broke my water and it was at this point that they first checked me to see how dilated I was. I thought this was strange that they would wait this long, but oh well. I was a 4. Kind of disappointed I wasn't farther along but happy I wasn't a 2 still!
I remembered with Henry, that after my water broke things went really fast - faster than anyone anticipated. I mentioned this to the nurse and she said okay, we've probably still got a few more hours but just let me know if you feel pressure. At this point I started to feel my contractions again, worse than even before the epidural. They gave me a bolus, and I kind of felt like a wimp asking for another shot of numbing medication. About 15 minutes later came the pressure. The nurse was sure it was too soon, but no. I was an 8. 1:30am. Turns out they think the initial epidural couldn't keep up with the pace of progression.
The entire process thus far had been so calm. Besides a few tense moments with the administration of the epidural, I was feeling great and really just conversational with the nurse about things. My requests for an epidural and breaking my water were as calm and conversational as me ordering from a menu or something. Can I have this please? Oh sure, fries with that? Nope, just a baby.
Things had died down from the craziness earlier that day and everything was quiet. Lights were dimmed or off and it seemed as though the maternity ward was taking a few deep breaths recovering from earlier that day. It made me feel like I was the only one there and had the place to myself.
Around 1:55am I started to feel more pressure. I let the nurse know, she checked and sure enough I was a 10. The epidural was working great at this point so things were still even keel. She calmly called the doctor, "okay, she's all set in here for you" and two minutes later a little woman, maybe of Indian decent, came in zipping up a sweatshirt. She had clearly been sleeping. The nurse in her ever-so-calm-voice said, "oh I think you'll want to take that off now, she's ready to deliver".
Two nurses come in and turn on the spotlight over the incubator station. Spotlights waiting to shine on my munchkin. Lights are mostly off except for a spotlight on me and a spotlight on the place for the baby. No one was yelling, screaming, running around, frantic or even tense. Just a matter of fact feeling, like they were about to put a band aid on a small scrape or something.
The doctor told me it was time to push. 2:00am. I started to push and she softly said, "okay that's enough". So I stopped, and just laid there, feeling pressure but feeling more anxious about what was to come.
Then voila, at 2:02am, I heard her scream. They held her up - skinny long limbs sticking straight out of that little body - and the nurse said, "looks like you've got a girl!"
A few cries, a fresh blanket and they put her on me. She was wide awake just looking around taking it all in, probably wondering what happened. We bonded over that, I wondered the same thing, did I really just have a baby??
In my mind, this was going to be the emotional delivery. Now that I knew what to expect, I thought for sure I was going to cry when the baby was born. I also thought I'd have sweat running down my face and a racing heart rate - trying to outpace the pain of contractions like with Henry.
None of that happened. No tears, no sweat, no stress. Serenity is the best word for it. The lighting set the stage and they actors played their role. It was an incredibly overwhelming peaceful, serene and spiritual experience. Don't get me wrong, I was having a party inside, but I couldn't break the moment. I could just smile and look into her eyes and take her in. Few words were said, we all just kind of sat there marveling at what just happened. Spencer that he was outnumbered, me that I just had a baby and the nurse and doctor that it happened so quickly.
I really felt a strong spiritual presence in the room like never before. It just happened, she came. Instead of coming with a shock like with Madeleine or a boom like with Henry, she came with serenity. It was an experience I'll never forget. Completely surreal and filled with calm, measure but deep joy.
She was Amelia Mary. Without question.
Both Spencer and I have grandmas named Mary along with a host of other Marys in both of our family lines. However, just two days before, Spencer grandma Mary Lou had passed away. It was Mary after her. We had that planned even before we knew of her deteriorating condition. Although we weren't able to see her before she passed away, family members relayed the message and she cried, joyfully, and said "my family loves me so much."
Grandma Harding passed away Thursday peacefully in her sleep. When we found out she passed away, I knew right then we were having a girl. I just knew it. The entire pregnancy I had no idea what we were having - no premonitions or anything, just guesses. But at this moment I knew.
It was only fitting that her entrance into the world was just as peaceful as Grandma Harding's exit.
lipstick? nope, just pure beauty
I think this is my favorite family picture. ever.
our amazing view from our hospital room
one proud big sister
visitors and dear friends (miss them already, sniff sniff!)
can't. get. enough.
that's right baby girl, you're #3.
3 comments:
Wow! Sounds amazing! She is just perfect. You all are! Congratulations x
Congratulations! I love reading your blog and seeing your BEAUTIFUL pictures of your beautiful family. And number three is gorgeous! I loved reading the birth stories and hearing a little about the first two as well. Wendy and I got together recently and talked about how long it's been. And maybe your sister told you she and I talked about that too. I also love seeing my favorite Annie in your pictures too! So much to love. Hope you're still doing well. :)
Beautiful. She seems so calm and perfect. I love her birth story, thanks for sharing it!
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